KEENs, I Love You. But you Stink.

This is a little email story I sent to KEEN to let them know of my broken heart. No response yet. But I guess we'll see how they handle this stinky situation. I mean, their shoes do promise and odourless experience.

Enjoy!

It all started about a year ago when I walked into a Shoeper Store looking for something to walk the Bruce Trail in. The leather brown and black caught my eye from across and picked up my first KEEN. The label read ‘Newport’. I slipped my foot into the shandal and walked around the store and I smiled. I smiled because the fit was excellent. It held my foot in a way that made me think of a mother holding a child.

I knew these would be my Bruce Trail companions for the long day hikes my wife and I would embark on during the fast approaching summer.

We got to the trail head in Niagara, we found the blazes, and we hiked. We hiked through trails of grass and trails of cement and trails of mulch and trails of all sorts. When we returned to our vehicle after 14km of hiketasticness my feet had a comical tiger-stripe-like pattern tanned into them.

I connected to the KEENs right away. I loved them.

But alas, they have betrayed me. You see, the romance did not last long the KEEN and me. After our third hike on the Bruce, about 45km in, we headed home. But we were not alone. There was an intruder in the back seat. An unwelcomed guest. A villain of the worst kind. It assaulted our nostrils to the point of terror.

She screamed!

I cried!

What was it!?

We looked back!

AHHHH!!

It was them!

The ones I had loved, the ones I had walked with through meadows and rivers and treacherous terrain! They had betrayed me. They had attacked my olfactory senses beyond belief.

I was broken. I felt lied to. I remembered taking them off the lonely shelf next to all the other orphan footwear and running my fingers over the indented soles that read ‘ANTI-ODOUR’ and I felt one with the KEEN. That feeling was stolen away the day they broke my heart.

It’s been 8 months since the smell came and 8 months it has overstayed it’s welcome.

I still try to make things right with my KEENs. I wear them regularly but they are jealous lovers. They have forced me to choose between them and my beloved bride. They won’t let her in the room. They incessantly shoot fiery darts of stank her way and push her away.

I long to love two; perhaps three if you include both the left and right shoe. I long to connect from head to toe and I am hindered.

Why KEENs, why have you betrayed me?

I loved you. I freed you from the shelf of loneliness. I took you to exotic places and showered you with affection.

Why?

Embrace me like you did that unforgettable day at Shoeper. Embrace me once more. But leave the stink behind!

No more broken promises!

I Wanna Be Like Shred Kelly

Ever heard of Shred Kelly?

Finalists in the Top 10 for the Tracks on Tracks train concert across Canada?

Winners of the Kootenay Music Award for Best Country/Folk?

Fernie, BC rockers and haters of all things work?

If you haven’t heard them or heard of them then you are missing out. The big bad Drew Shannon and I had an opportunity to catch them live here in Guelph at Van Gogh’s Ear a couple months back and I figure since I didn’t do it then, I should give them a big shout out right about now.

Now, I know what you’re thinking; “Shred Kelly? Kinda sounds like a surfer punk deal, hey bra?”

Well, no “bra” that’s not what they are.

Shred Kelly is a group out of little ol’ Fernie, British Columbia and they bring a unique sound, coined as Stoke Folk, to the table.

The five piece group puts on an impressive live show. With front man Tim Newton absolutely rocking the claw hammer style banjo and fast precise drumming by Ian Page-Shiner, not to mention the hypnotic harmonies between Tim and the beautiful Sage McBride; the show is unbelievable.

If you get a chance to see these guys live, you have to take it. The show is one that will get your feet stomping…hard.

With songs like Tornado Alley, I Hate Work, and Goodbye July I can guarantee you will have a blast.

So you go get their album while I get back to picture taking.

http://www.shredkelly.com/music.html

 

The Joel Plaskett Emergency

             Back in April I was privileged to see Canadian rocker Joel Plaskett live in concert at the uh...rustic Theatre Corona in Montreal. His show was opened by a guy called Frank Turner.

           Now I’ll be honest, I had never heard of this Frank Turner character before that fateful night, but he was opening for Joel and I will say I am so glad I got to see him perform. He’s a ‘bloke’ from across the pond and he plays songs that Dewey Finn would drool over. He’s got a “down with the man” vibe that is totally infectious and creates some great sing-along moments that would be right at home in an old pub.

I had a chance to connect with a few other concert goers including a guy that came all the way from Germany to see Frank Turner(!) and I found it really surprising that many of them weren’t actually sure of who Joel Plaskett was. Needless to say, there were more than a few converts after the performance Joel gave.

He opened with ‘Tough Love’ off his newly released, Scrappy Happiness (if you don’t know the story behind Scrappy Happiness, then check this out…http://joelplaskett.com/?page_id=1854)

I will say that I was literally in awe when I heard the lyrics “Cut me to pieces//Apples and oranges//slap me in the face//and tell me that I’m gorgeous”.

            The show lasted about 3 hours and was honestly never lacking in anything. Joel's got this dude called Matthew who is the lighting guy; dude knows how to put on a light show! I can't not mention the crazy strobe action during Lightning Bolt!

All in all Joel put out an amazing performance and showed off his versatility and that of The Emergency. There were 3 distinct "sets" but it almost seemed like 3 separate shows as they went from all three members on stage to a Joel-only acoustic set (which included an awesome version of Nowhere With You from the Make A Little Noise EP) and then back to The Emergency on stage which included an incredible jam-session-like experience with what seemed like a 15 minute version of Work Out Fine.

Joel’s Presley like stage presence combined with his knack for storytelling and insane musical ability made for an unforgettable evening. I would highly recommend checking out Joel's website and getting some tickets to a show near you!

The Hood

Writer's block. It comes when I start thinking about my friends and others reading what I've written. It comes when I start to think about what others think about. Maybe the trick to writing is that it needs to be for you even if it's for the public. So here's me taking my own advice and just give'n'er.

We've moved! Yes! from the dark always-cold-in-the-winter-and-always-hot-in-the-summer basement with the ever present big brother-landlord ghoul to the beautiful, bright, creeky and warm Bagot Street. And when we want to be fancy we call it "Bah-zjo"...it's French and fancy.

I like to say it's like going from living in a Russian prison camp, to running a Russian prison camp. This place is amazing!!!

Now the beauty of this home is not even in the home. The true beauty comes when you step outside. We now live in what is affectionately known as The Hood. I think it is called that for a few different reasons which I won't speculate but I will say the feeling in The Hood is one of community.

We are currently working on 3 things.

1) Getting to know our neighbours

2) Furnishing our apartment

3) Filling an apartment with people on a regular basis

So feel free to stop by anytime for anything. Whether it be a hot drink, stiff drink, soft drink, back rub, handshake, milkshake, easy bake. Whatever! If we have it, you're welcome to it.

To My Wife

Well it's Christmas day my dear, and it's time for you to see your final gift. It's this little blog of love (Bluv if you will) from me to you. And although it's Christmas, it's also the final days of 2011. I can't believe it's almost 2012!!!

You know, when we were kids, people didn't think the Earth would make it past 1999. But I'm so glad it did because not only did the millennium continue to support life it also brought with it iPods, eBooks, FaceBooks, and super diseases created by the government, but it also brought a beautiful collision.

Two foreign worlds becoming one, kind of like that painting on the wall behind you...your right shoulder dear. My life and your life, divinely brought together and through a weird and painful group of events we fell in love. But before we were in love we were in like and before we were in like we were friends talking.

I am so blessed to feel that way again! I know I have not only a wife and a helper in you but I also have a friend.

I have also watched you grow as a woman and as a sister in Christ and I can see you still growing. You are beautiful. Every inch of you. Your soul is like a piece of art being perfected by a master painter. Your heart is becoming shaped and contoured by the potter's hands and I have the divine privilege to watch this unfold.

You are the one I wake up with and the one I lay down beside. You are the iron that sharpens me and you are my gravity. Without you I would be lost at sea. You are my island.

I am here and you are here because we have been placed here. Although work and church and relationships and bills and life is frustrating, I love you. And that gets me through.

You are my Eve, my perfect partner.

You are my breath.

You are my hand to hold.

You are my sea to swim.

You are my mountain to climb.

We have a big year ahead of us. We have a whole Bruce Trail to work on. We have a whole new neighbourhood to love. We have a whole lotta past to work through. And we have a whole lot more to learn and love about each other. I want to give you this year by giving it to God. He is our rock and our provider. He has made us and he will keep us one.

I love you. I love you. I love you.

Remember three nights ago when I was up on the computer at 3:30am...That was for this. And it's worth it. You are worth the inconvenience. You're worth the extra work a marriage requires. You are my Jelly Bean and my Woogie.

Now I think it was a year and 5 months ago we were married and I think I made some pretty serious vows that day. I would like to sum up those vows by letting you know 3 things

1-I love you

2-I will do my best to never give up

3-I love yoooooooouuuuuuuu

I come to my garden, my sister, my bride.

Ah, You are beautiful, my love;

ah, you are beautiful;

Your eyes are doves.

Ah, you are beautiful, My beloved,

Truly lovely.

Merry Christmas my beautiful friend, my enchanting beloved, my perfect partner.

I've added a few pictures of you that I absolutely love. They are you at your best! And they are cute as heck!

So it's taken a while, I'm sorry, but finally I'm taking the time to sit down and reflect on our last Bruce Trail adventure. This means you better take the time to read about our last Bruce trail adventure...seriously. Here we go.

The alarm clock went off shortly after 5am and we were out of bed shortly after that. Shortly after 6am we were on the road and shortly after 7am Kattina pooped in the woods and shortly after that our hike began.

Once again we found ourselves leaving Kinsmen Park behind. We entered a forest and immediately noticed an awesome rock pile with vines covering it. From there it was a lot of the same as previous hikes.

There was a lot of vineyards through the trees and in the early morning coolness I could hear a chattering of sorts. I couldn't quite discern what I was hearing until I heard the oh so familiar and inviting sound of cheerful laughter! My first thought was that it was way too early to be laughing...about anything. The second thing I thought was who on earth is laughing?

Coming to a small clearing in the tree line, I saw lines of people making their way down rows of grapevines. It was a group of migrant workers in the vineyard. We stopped to watch them and take a few photos and then went on our way.

At about 4km in we arrived at “the Future Home of Mike Weir Winery” which I believe is currently Fielding Estates Winery. We rested here by the roadside and enjoyed some peaches while checking our map.

Once the peaches were devoured, we headed up the road past the Organized Crime Winery and back into the forest. At our 6 km point we found the beautiful 30 Mile Creek and enjoyed a wonderful snack of samosas and trail mix on some nicely set up logs.

A few twists and turns away from the creek we found a mole :)! A dead mole :(. We approached slowly checking for glass, gas, fire and wire. When none of the notorious 4 could be found, we checked him out with a stick and became curious when we saw no blood or any other sign of struggle. In fact, we became so curious, we kept on hiking!

About nine elevenths of a kilometre later, we came across yet another dead mole! Weird! This one we messed with a little more...you know, made him poop, poked his eyes...Dahmer style...

Moving on, we met a dude named Matt from New York! He has been hiking for 21 days straight at what we calculated to be about 30km a day! The dude is hardcore and I hope he reads my blog. Straight up.

It was neat to meet Matt on the trail because we generally see no one on the Bruce. But this day we got to meet two more people. Dennis the Menace and his father. I don't know if he was the real Dennis...well I do know he's not the real Dennis so anyway there was a kid with his dad. I call him Dennis because he was armed with a slingshot. I said “hey” and he said “my dad is finding squirrels and I'm trying to shoot them” “Yep” said dad, sipping a beer. Epic.

So we journeyed on over another dry river and around slippery rocks and logs and came to the most exciting thing I've ever seen on the Bruce...we came to what I like to call, the great monkey temple...it's a concrete structure in the middle of the woods at the base of a cliff just sitting there. Although the temple smelled like condoms and Red Bull, it was still a phenomenal thing to see. Yes, this hike was short (13km) and somewhat uneventful, but we had a blast hiking together and I got a killer shirt from the Grimsby thrift store...every thing is $4 or 2 items for $6...um, yes please! Grimsby also had a cool guy named Stavros who is the owner and operator of Grimsby's finest taxi service, Grimsby Taxi. He was our companion during our ride back to the car and I fear I may have lost my map in his van...yep.

Thanks for reading and I hope you'll come back to read about the start of the Iroquoia section which is coming very soon.

Xoxoxo

Zach + Kattina + Bruce

Bruce Round 4 - Epic Steps

Hey i just found this in my drafts!!!! SORRY!!

So here we are at yet another Bruce Trail adventure! This is our fourth hike log for our fourth hike which took place September 18.

It all started in little Guelph, Ontario. Population 120,000. After a quick stop at the super market for some meat sticks and trail mix, we left the Bux (Starbucks, that is) at 1:27pm with Chai Lattes and our hiking gear. Drew led the way in the Big ol' Truck while Kattina and I followed in the Camrymobile.

Less than an hour after leaving we arrived at Kinsmen Park in Lincoln to drop the car off at the end point, have a wizz, check our gear, and enjoy a little bouldering session.

We chilled here for 20 minutes and arrived at the Staff Ave lot at 2:58. We snapped a quick shot of our start point and hit the trail!

Now, Staff Ave. is home to Staff Estates Winery (http://www.staffwines.com/) and the Staff Estates Winery makes the whole road smell like grape juice in mid September. It smells like Welch's grape juice. It invokes memories of being told to use two hands on my big kid cup and it almost made me cry!

Turning right onto Seventeenth St. we had an incredible view of Toronto while we followed the trail up the road for a little over a kilometer singing "On the Road Again" all the way. This was until Kattina had a terrific find with a Monster Energy can on the side of the road! For those of you in the know, Monster Energy is doing a throwback to good marketing by offering consumers free clothing if they mail in x amount of Monster Energy tabs. It's true! http://www.monsterenergy.com...%20see/ ... See?

We got back into the forest pretty quickly and enjoyed some easy going path. The hills were subtle and the forest quiet. My theory is the last 2 weeks of cold have sent all the bugs away save for a few crickets and some moths. Regardless, we were pumped to be there!

As we crossed Nineteenth St, I noticed a group of people gathered around what looked like a one hole roadside putt putt. We ignored it because we were more interested in hiking while eating some Euro Pepperettes but also we were a little wary of the shifty looking shifter who appeared to running the putt putt (had we checked his backseat, there's a 75% chance he was carrying some deceased (mini golfers).

While heading towards Ball's Fall Conservation Area, make sure you are aware of THE ENORMOUS HILL! This is the title I have given the 75degree hill that takes you up to the path leading to Ball's. This HILL is steep and high!I think my ears popped in the middle of the ascent. We did make it though! and once we were finished we were happy to discover two wonderful benches at the top of the hill. Thanks sponsors!

We approached Ball's Falls Conservation Area (named after the Ball family of years past) and we noticed something a little strange. There were white tents set up everywhere with tables inside them. These tents were not big enough to house an event (like a wedding) or anything substantial. The main theory was that there was perhaps an up and coming trade show or something. Regardless, the empty tents and quiet park were actually really creepy!

After our skin stopped crawling from realizing we had entered a ghost town, we noticed something really sad. All of the water was gone! There was nothing! I had seen photos of the 20 Mile Creek and the Upper and Lower Falls and they were magnificent! This was pitiful.

It was honestly the same story everywhere we went; no water. Bridges were built over flat rocks. Waterfalls were diminished to cliffs. Apart from the unique opportunity to possibly climb Ball's Falls, it was a sad state of affairs for Niagara rivers.

Another unique opportunity was the one already being taken advantage by a bride and her party. They were on the edge of the falls having their photos done! We shouted a hello and we walked on to find another bride and groom posing on a hill. "No way! Two weddings in the same park", said we. But then to our surprise, a third bride emerged near the footbridge!!!! I was secretly hoping all three would see eachother a the same time and instantly go red with rage and have a battle! There would be bridesmaids with switchblades and groomsmen yelling "Sweep the leg!", while the grooms enjoy the sangria they left in the limo and talk about their new living situation. Photographers battling for the best shots while their assistants desperately try to aim the big silver reflector thing in the right direction. Limo drivers glaring at eachother while holding bouquets. Bride number 1 rolls out of dustcloud with a high heeled shoe sticking out of where her eye used to be. She breaks off the shoe and leaves the heel dangling from her eye socket. She spits blood onto the ground and dives back in. Bridesmaid Sally is being used as a human shield by her bride and has 5 broken ribs. She keels over and comes up with a handful of dirt and throws in the eyes of Bride number 3! Bride number 3 turtles and is trampled in the ongoing melee! A hand she reaches for it and a warmth fills her. She is dragged quickly but gently out of the brawl and she stands before a lion. It's Aslan. He smiles at her in his lion way and cocks his head to the right. She is in awestruck amazement. He uses his giant soft paw to gently touch her face and wipe the blood from her ear hole. She smiles a timid smile. As his paw comes down, his claws emerge and he rips her face off and begins to eat her before jumping into the melee to break it up/eat people...But I digress.

So we walked over the bridge that spanned 20 Mile Creek and began downstream enjoying the sight of the peach orchard on the left and the gorge of Ball's Falls on the right. We quickly found a clearing that landed us on the edge of a cliff with a conveniently placed fire pit. Drew had a hankering for some fire and he was all too excited to use his latest MEC purchase of fire starters. And boy did they start fires! Here we enjoyed the view and the PB&J wraps Kattina had brought along.

After a little rest and some food, we were back on the trail.

Another kilometer yielded another noteworthy location. we emerged from the forest onto a gravel driveway and quickly noticed a large enclosure/compound. through the fence we could see bunnies and chickens and pigeon and after a few snapshots we were quickly greeted by a friendly dog named Cody. He barked and barked and barked! He lived with the goats on the hill and made a point to run down the hill and greet the hikers. The next house had a front yard filled with unique rabbit enclosures and delightful, future delicious white bunnies. I say future delicious because there was nothing to indicate the owner was a magician.

We rounded onto Fifth Ave and saw yet another magnificent view of Toronto. This time we stopped for a quick photo sesh before heading back into the woods. We walked by a soybean field and turned on the focus juice.

See, focus juice is what you turn on when you realize you are very behind schedule, you're tired, and you're running out of light...So focus juice is what we turned on.

For the rest of our hike we were pushing for the end! No time to rest. Just hike.

We stopped once on the lawn of a big white Victorian style home for a few minutes but then booted it to Kinsmen Community Park and finished strong with a sprint to the car!

We headed off to Burlington for the Papa Luigi's special at Gator Ted's where we took in the Mayweather vs. Ortiz match with dropped jaws and locked legs. If you have not seen that fight yet, find it and watch it...or at least read about it.

Distance: 17.1km
Time: 6hours 37minutes
Lesson Learned: 1) Very salty, European style pepperettes only serve to dehydrate you and make your fairly simple hike seem like a desert adventure where every turn is the car (your oasis).

2) Sleep is very important before a big hike. Kattina and I were both up past midnight and up at 7am. Definitely not sufficient for serious physical output!

3) Climate change sucks! We want the rivers back!!!

4) The table at the Red Brick Cafe that I am currently using to type this, is terrible! It is the wobbliest, loudest table ever. Well, maybe not ever...but it's pretty bad!

5) Bring extra water. And then pack extra extra water.

We loved this section of trail. We plan to finish the Niagara section of trail on our next hike. We also plan to start a petition to get a End to End Badge for the Niagara section of the Bruce considering it is the only section of trail without an End to End Badge...so come on Bruce, what gives?

Until next time,

Love Zach + Kattina + Drew + Bruce