KEENs, I Love You. But you Stink.

This is a little email story I sent to KEEN to let them know of my broken heart. No response yet. But I guess we'll see how they handle this stinky situation. I mean, their shoes do promise and odourless experience.

Enjoy!

It all started about a year ago when I walked into a Shoeper Store looking for something to walk the Bruce Trail in. The leather brown and black caught my eye from across and picked up my first KEEN. The label read ‘Newport’. I slipped my foot into the shandal and walked around the store and I smiled. I smiled because the fit was excellent. It held my foot in a way that made me think of a mother holding a child.

I knew these would be my Bruce Trail companions for the long day hikes my wife and I would embark on during the fast approaching summer.

We got to the trail head in Niagara, we found the blazes, and we hiked. We hiked through trails of grass and trails of cement and trails of mulch and trails of all sorts. When we returned to our vehicle after 14km of hiketasticness my feet had a comical tiger-stripe-like pattern tanned into them.

I connected to the KEENs right away. I loved them.

But alas, they have betrayed me. You see, the romance did not last long the KEEN and me. After our third hike on the Bruce, about 45km in, we headed home. But we were not alone. There was an intruder in the back seat. An unwelcomed guest. A villain of the worst kind. It assaulted our nostrils to the point of terror.

She screamed!

I cried!

What was it!?

We looked back!

AHHHH!!

It was them!

The ones I had loved, the ones I had walked with through meadows and rivers and treacherous terrain! They had betrayed me. They had attacked my olfactory senses beyond belief.

I was broken. I felt lied to. I remembered taking them off the lonely shelf next to all the other orphan footwear and running my fingers over the indented soles that read ‘ANTI-ODOUR’ and I felt one with the KEEN. That feeling was stolen away the day they broke my heart.

It’s been 8 months since the smell came and 8 months it has overstayed it’s welcome.

I still try to make things right with my KEENs. I wear them regularly but they are jealous lovers. They have forced me to choose between them and my beloved bride. They won’t let her in the room. They incessantly shoot fiery darts of stank her way and push her away.

I long to love two; perhaps three if you include both the left and right shoe. I long to connect from head to toe and I am hindered.

Why KEENs, why have you betrayed me?

I loved you. I freed you from the shelf of loneliness. I took you to exotic places and showered you with affection.

Why?

Embrace me like you did that unforgettable day at Shoeper. Embrace me once more. But leave the stink behind!

No more broken promises!